She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He passed out mid-signature
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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