ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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