So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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