I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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