I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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