he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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