a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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