im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
