i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
