so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize