Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Randomize
