Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
