Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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