We're like a lot better than the average bears
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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