I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Randomize
