well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How's work?
Spinning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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