i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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