Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize