mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize
