I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
