in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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