You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
