An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i think my cat just said my name.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
