why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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