If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
