Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
