My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
