My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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