I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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