Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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