Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
