at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
