Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
