You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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