Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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