awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
