i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize