Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
