you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
