i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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