So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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