I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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