lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
