gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
