DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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