I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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