oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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