Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
