I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize