everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
