We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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