once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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