I wanna bring you to show and tell
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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