I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
