and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
