so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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