I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
