I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
