maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
