Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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