I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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