apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
