I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
