8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PANTIES FOUND
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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