I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
