Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
