i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
